When Ryan asked the Sudden Death question of who we know who embodies life and joy in its purest sense, I froze and defaulted to one of our dogs. Lame. True, but lame. I was relistening to this episode before taking it live, nearly two years after we recorded it. Which is what happens when your beloved producer gets married and has a baby. As life would have it, I was listening just a couple of days after a dear friend died suddenly of a heart attack. Dave Askman. The guy I should have named as the person in my life who embodies joy and life like nobody else.
My husband Tim and I met Dave when he started dating our friend and Tim's work colleague Mandy. Dave was a lawyer at the Department of Justice who was planning on going to vet school. He was also in the middle of a kitchen remodel that left him without a working sink. For like three years. This was quintessential Dave. Big dreams and passions and so much kinetic energy taking him in so many directions that completion wasn't always high on the list. But building a life with Mandy was. They married on Aspen Mountain in a celebration presided over by comedian who compared marriage to improv: You need to share focus, be present, work with what you're given (yes and), and some other things. At one point, this guy rocked my world with the line, "Expectations are premeditated resentments." I think I turned to Tim and said, "I'm sorry for everything in our marriage up to this point." |  |
Dave and Mandy adopted two boys and the adventure continued. One Halloween, Dave capitalized on the younger's striking resemblance to Hervé Villechaize for a memorable joint costume. For Dave loved an excuse to dress up. He went all in. And not just for costumes. He loved live music and saw an average of 90 shows a year. He could name the mascot of almost any college or university, no matter how obscure. Once, while we were playing trivia in a bar, he dropped on the floor between rounds and did 20 pushups because he needed to get his daily quota in. On a bar floor. Gross.
The fact that such a life force could be instantly extinguished was a shock to anyone who knew Dave. The events of the day it happened could not have summed up his life better. He and 8 buddies (9 in all) were going for the quadruple 9. Nine holes of golf, nine ski runs, nine innings of baseball. Dave, of course, had a concert tacked on at the end. His heart attack happened between skiing and baseball, in the presence of an ER doctor who was also a friend.
For all of you who want to say "I'm sorry for your loss," a) please go back and listen to Episode 101; and b) I am sorry for your loss. You never had the chance to know Dave. He was one of those guys who made you feel seen and special when his attention was on you. He packed 28 hours of life into every 24-hour day. I wish I had thought of him when we recorded this episode because it would have given me the chance to appreciate him more while he was alive.
Please take a moment and really think about who that person is who embodies joy and life for you. Not just your dog. And then maybe let them know.
